1.5 Stars

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Review

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park stands the test of time. It’s a remarkable action-horror hybrid that knows its greatest strength is the sense of awe. When Sam Neill turns Laura Dern’s head toward the real, live dinosaurs for the first time, it’s transcendent. The series only ever reached that point again once—in the […]

The Revenant Review

The Revenant Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Hardship is an easy thing to depict on film, but hardship in service of something meaningful to the butts in front of the screen is more of a challenge. 12 Years a Slave is a recent film that pulled it off with flying colors. How? It showed us who its lead character […]

San Andreas Review

San Andreas Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) One should go into a movie like San Andreas assuming he or she will have a good time. There is no other reason for this movie to exist. It’s not an acting showcase. It isn’t saying anything unique about family dynamics. And for the love of God, it offers nothing in terms […]

Touchy Feely Review

Touchy Feely Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Touchy Feely, the latest from writer-director Lynn Shelton, is the dreariest thing this side of Shelton’s hometown of Seattle. If the over-under on smiles cracked by the film’s quartet of main characters was four, I’d take the under. Even worse than the misery is the film’s thematic aimlessness. Shelton got at deep […]

Superman III Review

Superman III Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) With the off-screen problems connected to Superman II out of the way, there was no reason Superman III couldn’t have been another thrilling adventure. Sure, Gene Hackman was out, furious at producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind over what happened with Superman director Richard Donner. But the Salkinds lured comedian Richard Pryor into […]

Anna Karenina (2012) Review

Anna Karenina (2012) Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Joe Wright’s adaptation of Leo Tolstoy’s monumental novel Anna Karenina is a borderline unendurable experience—an exercise in period porn so devoid of charm, pleasantness, and an artistic reason to exist that each second feels like 1,000. Yes, Wright has updated Tolstoy’s text considerably—a necessary evil of adapting something that’s been seen on […]

2 Days in New York Review

2 Days in New York Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Actress Julie Delpy shot to art-house stardom after playing Celine in Richard Linklater’s sublime Euro-romance Before Sunrise. She reprised the role in the director’s somewhat unexpected follow-up, Before Sunset, almost a decade later. Since then, Delpy has been largely absent from the big screen minus one big exception—a 2007 film 2 Days […]

Jeff, Who Lives at Home Review

Jeff, Who Lives at Home Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Jay and Mark Duplass have built careers upon stories like that in Jeff, Who Lives at Home. Their most mainstream effort to date is based on a slacker, Jeff, who’s wandering aimlessly through life while he waits for some kind of cosmic direction. It’s vintage Duplass and only different from Baghead or […]

Transformers: Dark of the Moon Review

Transformers: Dark of the Moon Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) Oh, Michael Bay. You fooled me again. Here I am thinking Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third film in a franchise I’ve despised to this point, might be some mindless fun. After all, reviews weren’t quite as savage this time around. But no, this film is basically a carbon copy of […]

Limitless Review

Limitless Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) For a movie about people who are amazingly smart, Limitless sure is dumb. Director Neil Burger’s thriller looks flashy, but the characters and situations are groan-inducing to say the least. I found myself enjoying it to a certain extent in the beginning, but as it progresses, it becomes mind-numbingly stupid. Sure, its […]

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger Review

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) There’s nothing worse than a film that feels like a total waste of time. Even the worst films I’ve seen recently (like Somewhere, from last year) have some redeeming qualities. Woody Allen’s latest, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, is not only pointless, but also the worst Allen film I’ve ever […]

Buried Review

Buried Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) I’ve made my love for 127 Hours plain enough around here, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Buried was pretty high on my most-anticipated list. After sitting through Rodrigo Cortes’ film, however, I can say the two bear little resemblance. Besides the obvious “lone man trapped and fighting for his […]

I Am Love Review

I Am Love Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) I Am Love is a fascinating example of how a film can try to do many things and fail at pretty much all of them. It’s a film with two very different halves. The first is a well-intentioned, meandering ensemble piece. The second is a comical descent into overblown melodrama. It’s full […]

Get Him to the Greek Review

Get Him to the Greek Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) I’m generally a fan of anything that comes out of the Judd Apatow school of comedy. The 40-Year-Old Virgin was one of the best and most refreshing comedies of the last decade, and Knocked Up, Superbad, and even Funny People are worthy successors. I thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty weak, however. […]

The A-Team Review

The A-Team Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) In some ways, director Joe Carnahan’s “The A-Team” is a harmless summer flick—mindless and fitfully entertaining. In other ways, it represents the worst kind of cinema—wholly unoriginal, bland, and immediately forgettable. I think if I waited another day or two to write this review, I wouldn’t be able to. That’s how soon […]

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Review

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Review

RATING: (1.5 STARS) When on vacation with a group, one does things one might not normally do by his or herself. So when it was decided we would all be watching “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” I had little choice but to oblige. Two hours and ten minutes later, I wished I had gone for […]

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