Beverly Hills Cop III Review
RATING: (1 STARS) Beverly Hills Cop III fucking sucks. After seven years away from Axel Foley, Eddie Murphy put the Detroit Lions jacket back on in an extremely half-baked sequel to the great Beverly Hills Cop II, but it’s pretty clear early on that he didn’t really want to. Apparently a third Beverly Hills Cop […]
Independence Day: Resurgence Review
RATING: (1 STAR) “We had 20 years to prepare,†reads the tag line for Independence Day: Resurgence. I’m not sure that’s something they should be promoting because 20 years to make a movie as startlingly terrible as this one is inexcusable. There’s nothing redeeming about Roland Emmerich’s two-decades-in-the-making sequel to his silly but entertaining mega-blockbuster […]
The English Teacher Review
RATING: (1 STAR) Maybe she owed the director money. Maybe the version of the script she’d read before accepting the part wasn’t close to the shooting script. Maybe she was blackmailed. Maybe the shoot was simply convenient for her. I’m searching for a reason why Julianne Moore accepted the lead role in The English Teacher, […]
Cosmopolis Review
RATING: (1 STARS) David Cronenberg is known for pushing the boundaries of cinema, and his latest effort—Cosmopolis—is no different. If you think you’ve seen a boring movie, watch this one and reconsider your definition of the word. It makes Meet Joe Black feel like a Jason Bourne adventure. What’s arguably worse than the film’s excruciating […]
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Review
RATING: (1 STAR) Stephen Daldry’s latest film, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, tries to make sense of one of the worst days—perhaps the “Worst Day”—in American history. It does so through the eyes of a pre-teen boy, who appears to suffer from Asperger’s Disease. And what does it ultimately tell us? That New Yorkers are […]
Dream House Review
RATING: (1 STAR) Dream House is a B-movie with A-list talent and a story that’s an F-minus, maybe worse. It’s not just that we’ve seen elements of this film a thousand times before. Rather, it’s the nonsensical composition of them that boggles my mind. Where’s the sense of dread, the slow-burn pacing that’s so integral […]
Somewhere Review
RATING: (1 STAR) Somewhere is a very inaccurate title for Sofia Coppola’s latest film for it begins nowhere, goes nowhere, and ends nowhere. I’d love to sit down with the director and ask her why she felt this was a necessary film to make because after sitting through nearly two hours of just nothingness, I […]
Angels and Demons Review
RATING: (1 STAR) I think I might be one of roughly fifty people in the world who hasn’t read any of Dan Brown’s mega-best-selling Robert Langdon books. I tried to read “The DaVinci Code,†but I couldn’t get into it. That being said, I actually kind of enjoyed “The DaVinci Code,†the generally reviled big […]
Blindness Review
RATING: (1 STAR) I recently noted in my review of “Mutiny on the Bounty” that when films play without subtlety, it can either work or fall on its face. “Mutiny on the Bounty” worked. The time period and setting all appropriated themselves to the way in which director Frank Lloyd elected to tell his story: […]
